Lessons from a Schnauzer

If you happen to think you have things figured out enough in your life and that you and God are on the same page but for some reason you keep going round the mountain, give me a moment of your time to tell you my story.

I went through this huge test--simply put--because I always think I know what's best for me! However, that can come with some troubles, and I am ashamed to admit it, because surely by now I should know better (not fun to admit I'm am a slow learner.)  But I am going to risk some vulnerability because I have a feeling that I am not alone! Maybe you have a decision you are getting ready to make that could change the direction of your life. It could involve a serious relationship, a financial investment or job opportunity. Whatever it is let me urge you to read this somewhat humorous lesson and ponder its implications before you cautiously proceed.

Determination! That's me ever since I can remember. I have always been and still am a very investigative sort. Yes, that can be a great attribute when channeled in the 'right' direction. How else would we ever know that there are (for example) planets that are part of a 'solar system' and that we (planet Earth) belong to one of them? Unfortunately, in my life it has become a stronghold that has gotten me into lots of trouble and this spirit of independence has plagued me even as a more 'mature' Christian. You see when I get something in my mind, I am not easily deterred. One might just reason it away saying I lack common sense at times. But what I really need to have is a plan before taking action and remember how vital it is to have a witness of agreement with two or more to help discern whether or not I am really hearing from God.

You would certainly think that a few hard lessons would reign in this young lass who stepped out into some pretty bizarre situations. Like leaving home at 13 and again at 15 (not to return the second time.) Argh! My younger years were strange years and I grew up rather quickly. Yes, I was rather impulsive. I have heard that half the battle is recognizing there's a problem!

Gratefully, I became a Christian at the age of 30 and God began His deep work in me as I have learned to surrender the many areas of my will with its baggage and consequences (and the deep pain in my heart) to the Lord.  I am learning that as it says in John 15:5 "I am the vine, You are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." And this is where I want to begin, now that you have some background.

Let me begin by honestly saying that I really am beginning to like who God is creating me to be. "Lord, please keep me teachable so I don't quit growing!" I also add that there is a whole lot of refining to be done. As with all of us, I am in process and will be until Christ calls me home. So most of the time I really do appreciate what God is teaching me and doing in my life. Now here's where I will reveal one of my strongholds to you--I still like to call the shots and think I know what is best for me. I forget Whose I am and Who knows best!

My husband and I now have a this dog who was a darling little puppy that I totally obsessed over until I got her. You see, after having to put down our sweet old "Chelsey" dog of 13 some years ago, and then putting down our inherited Sheltie (acquired from Jerry's dad when he went home,) it was then time to get what I wanted and thought would be best for us to have. I have wanted a Schnauzer for a long time! So for two months after the Sheltie was gone I searched online high and low and researching as I went, for our Schnauzer. They are great dogs, smart, sturdy, healthy and cut too! My husband decided that he didn't want any more pets (we also have a Siamese cat) insisting that when these were gone there would be no more. Yours truly persisted to convince him that we really should "try one on for size" assuming that he would just fall in love with her. I did pray about it, a lot. But let me confess, I did not wait on the Lord and like I always do, took matters into my own hands. Yes, Kimberly knows best. In July we acquired our first standard Schnauzer. A scrawny 3.5 month-old black female from Canada (Manitoba to be exact.) I even had her name all picked out before hand, Elsa, a good German name for a good German dog, and it means 'God is my oath'.

So you ask "What's the point?" Let me tell you how God has and continues to use this little dog to teach me some stuff! I have learned some vital stats about 'Kimberly', like don't make me wait and don't tell me no! And I have had to pay the price for my resistance to learn. Old Frank Sinatra may have sung the song but I keep living it out, 'doing it my way'.

She is pretty cute don't you think?

Our little Elsa is a smart little Fraulein and she really learns quickly the fun things. But...there is a very stubborn and determined side to her and as smart as she is she came with a few issues.

• Coming off the farm, everything about city living scares her. (I should have named her Skiddles and when she first came through the door of the house, the cat greeted us as she always does and little Elsa freaked and poop literally went everywhere!)
• She had a horrible case of round worm--yuck--that we had to deal with including diarrhea issues for several months and that was no pleasure to clean up! (Two doses of medicine took care of that and we were good to go although the vet blamed the kennel rearing--how would I know?)
• We got her at 3.5 months which gave her head start in nurturing her strong will not to mention that the housebreaking took forever (we finally made headway at 7.5 months and they are supposed to be EASY to train!)
• This little dog has a strong will that runs competitive with mine.

Argh--what have I done? Now I haven't painted a very nice picture have I. So please, don't get me wrong, she has her delightful moments and can be a lot of fun. It is just that there are a few hurdles we are going to have to jump through before it is all said and done. 

So what's all the fuss anyway? First of all, I forgot the time involved with a puppy. For a time and a season I have had to give up some pretty precious time that God and I spend together. I must say that that has been the biggest adjustment for me. Especially our first three months together. I have missed my time to write, read and study or do the little extra things around the house and I so look forward to once again being able to have time back. My mornings and evenings have involved puppy sitting while I try to read my Bible in between disciplining her for snatching the newspaper or pillow when I'm not looking. I know, this is all very typical puppy stuff.

I am also concerned that I am getting old and cranky! A few frustrating times of training--the experts always say don't push it if you're frustrated--have given way to some harsh reactions on my part. I hate that! And have had to cry out to God for forgiveness and mercy for being so harsh. I don't want to ruin her sweet spirit and cause her to be afraid of me. That has been very hard for me to deal with. Who wants to think of themselves as a harsh disciplinarian? Firm and loving, that is the way.

As I conclude this I have realized that things are definitely getting better. (As she learns and I learn.) But for a time I thought what have I done, and am I going to regret once again demanding my own way and going ahead of God? The thoughts have come and gone regarding what we could have had if I had waited for God's best. Like when the vet says his Schnauzer was house broken in short of two weeks at under two months old! Or will she ever get that "stay" is for her good and so is "come". With all the deer in our yard I wonder what would happen to her the day she decides while off the leash, to chase one. Will I ever see her again? I know by heart the verses in Proverbs 3:5,6 that say,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

But I forget the rest of the story when I read verse :7

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil."

Ouch, the Proverbs can really make the tough calls! Old Solomon was in tune to his maker! So when will Kimberly realize that God, Abba, knows what's best for His girl and that it is so much better to wait than to regret? His best is always for our best even if it doesn't seem like it at the time or that is is just taking too long?

Elsa and Patsy Cline

I have prayed that God has redeemed the jump-start girl once again and I know that He alone can bring beauty from ashes. Our Elsa is learning and is now grown up. She has matured into a tremendous companion to me and my husband. The ride is slowing just a bit and as you can see I even have some time to do a bit of writing these days, yeah!

Well, if you can identify with my plight, let's pray and ask God to give us what is ultimately His very best and nothing less and the courage and patience to wait on the Lord. Let's pray

Pappa, once again I jumped ahead of You and You have gently reminded me that Father knows best! I really do want to give You my strong will and I also want to give You that part of me that thinks I know what is best for me. You know how impatient I can be when I don't get my way. Just let me learn this time as I surrender. Thank you for your word in Isaiah 40:31 that says we really do gain great strength from waiting upon You. Mounting up with wings like eagles, running and not becoming weary and walking without fainting. What a promise awaits those who are willing to hold on for Your best. I want that and I am so tired of the learning curve as I traipse around the mountain again and again in this area. Please deliver me and give me the courage to stand fast as I wait on You, in Your powerful Name, Amen!

The Power of Praise

It was a Monday--a Monday from the "pit". You know those days don't you? Nothing goes right from the moment you take the puppy out for her walk to...let's just say it was not a good day! She would not do anything she was supposed to do and she did much that she should not have. I will leave that to the imagination!

Photo by MeddyGarnet

Well, work did not go much better. The newsletter copy was due and I could not make the deadline, the network connections went down when I needed to save the overnight news and weathers (for later airplay) and I even bashed my hand into the printer while flying into my office too fast. Looking back, it seemed as though there were many other snafus that occurred and I just wanted to put my head down and cry.

It was time to do my radio program, "Vertical Connection", and I said, God, I am so unworthy to do this program today.  How can I bring You glory when I have such a yucky attitude?  The very first verse that popped into my head was from 2 Corinthians 12:10b "...for when I am weak then I am strong."  Let's look at the context of this for a moment.  Paul mentions the words of Christ in verse 9 as Paul wrestles with his "thorn in the flesh".  "And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."  Christ's grace and strength.  This man Paul, with all of his knowledge of the Torah humbled himself to say he would gladly rather boast in his infirmities that the power of Christ might rest upon him.  Now I'm no Paul but, God, through Christ Jesus offers us that same empowerment with grace and strength for the task ahead of us daily (and sometimes moment by moment!)

I bring this to light because I just felt so utterly worthless and incapable of being the "worship leader" my program requires.  Preparing to begin I started the program off confessing my need for God to step in and work on my behalf.  I began to praise my way through the program as song after song ministered to my spirit.  In so doing this I got the focus off of me and my stinky morning and on to the One it should have been on, the air began to clear and I soon began to know I was under His covering and able to again give back.

My hypothesis is simply that when we praise God we will diminish anxiety.   Indeed! Praising God--helped put an end to my difficult morning. Now I don't mean to say that my problems left but...they indeed were minimized as I brought God glory and praise. I brought God to the forefront of my problems.

Oh, if only that happened every time I found myself in a quandary like that.  And it can, when all the attention is turned upward, reflecting upon my most glorious King!  We all have those times when nothing seems to go as it should and simply put, we need to acknowledge that each day is a gift from our Father.  Let's rejoice in His faithfulness and allow His joy to fill us full to overflowing.   For it is then in our weakness, Christ steps in with grace and His strength and carries us through!

Lord Jesus, I don't want to operate in my own strength for I am inadequate. Your word affirms the fact that apart from You I can do nothing (John 15:5). Give me the grace to come to You in my weakness and as I choose to focus on all that You are, then You will indeed show Yourself strong on my behalf. Thank You for making my awful day manageable through the power of praise,  Amen.

Sheri Rose's "His Princess Diet Plan for Victory"

Sheri Rose Shepherd has a great plan for us as we seek to be all the King desires for us to be spiritually, emotionally and physically! Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit we are not our own but bought with a price. Our obligation is to glorify God in our bodies!

"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and athat you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

1 Corinthians
6:19,20

If ever there was a battle taking place within me it is definitely my battle with either over-excess or indulgence in the wrong things. Do you know what I'm talking about here? I hate it because depending on the time-frame of my cycle and I am postmenopausal I still struggle, big-time. Typically for one week out of four my eating is out of control. And I crave sweets. But...God has made me a conqueror in ALL things and if I could only figure out how to apply that to my fourth week...wow! Take a peek at what Sheri Rose has to say for us below:

His Princess Diet Plan for Victory

Pray...Every morning confess your weakness to God and ask Him to give you the spirit of self-control. The first step toward a new beginning is confession.

Ask...someone to hold you accountable to a healthy diet and exercise program. Better yet, ask if that person would join you.

Fast...Consider making your diet a fast for your King. For thirty days, fast from any white flour, white sugar, or artificial sweeteners.

Remove...Do not set yourself up to fail. Take control of your kitchen and remove any and all foods that will tempt you to break your thirty-day fast.

Prepare for Battle...If you will prepare you meals in advance you will have a much better chance of winning over temptation. (visit hisprincess.com for more helpful information)

Purpose...to honor you body as the temple of the Holy Spirit; God will give you the power to prevail. Commit your diet to the Lord as Daniel did and include writing down your purpose for fasting and place it were you can see it daily.

No food tastes as good as being healthy feels!

(My Prince Will Come, © 2005 by Sheri Rose Shepherd. Published by Multnomah Publishers, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved)

Somehow I think that Sheri and I have had the same struggles. I also know that this is a battle that I don't want to lose and I know that the Lord wants the glory due His name when it is won! Let's pray for one another, that is, those of us who really struggle with this one. We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. Don't talk yourself out of that resistance mode! Have you been there? We don't deserve to indulge ourselves in stuff that isn't good for our temples. Help me here, can we have a taste of something that is unhealthy or an occasional piece of that yummy thing? How do you work this one out? I hope to get some feedback from you.

Father, you know how tired I am at wrestling with this. For the most part I confess that I want to talk myself into or out of or convince myself that it is okay to indulge. But then my indulging leads to gluttony and I become so ashamed of myself for slipping into such a slump. Then I spend the next three weeks of my four week cycle rebuilding what I have essentially crumbled. How discouraging this is. I can really see how important it is to have someone in the same boat to hold me accountable or to hold each other accountable as we struggle through. What a crazy thing to have as a stumbling block. Would you give me a partner who would help me through this and that I could help in turn? What a blessing to be able to win this one for you Pappa! I can imagine the smile on Your face when I have success and give You the glory! Amen

Another Lesson in God's Amazing Grace

At one point I found myself reading through Paul's book of Romans. I confess that I haven't been there for quite a while and upon revisiting especially chapters 6-12 I have been halted for further contemplation.


The first week found me intrigued by Chapter six and pondering the marvelous grace of God yet the warning (in Paul's fashion) to not take advantage of it! With an aire of sarcasm he says, "what shall we say then? and, what then?" several times to get our attention. Followed by the phrase, "may it never be!" Below are some of his well known quips to help us understand that by God's grace our sins are covered but not so that we can continue in sin but so that we can be free from the bondage of sin. (From NASB)

:1,2 "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace might increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?"

:12-14 "There fore do not let sin reign in your mortal body that you should obey its lusts...but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law, but under grace."

:15 "What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be!"

I like the wrap here. Paul says that we are to be obedient from the heart. God knows the heart doesn't He. We can't hide a thing from Him. We can 'do' all the right stuff we want but unless our heart's motive is pure it doesn't mean nothing.


One of my weaknesses is dealing with the issue of food and how it affects my body. I honestly enjoy food and the tastes it has to offer.  But, I have struggled with weight issues even as a kid and since my early 30's. It is a struggle but over the years I am working on taking off the poundage I have acquired along the way.


In later years as part of my weekly ritual of being involved in a prayer and worship night on Tuesdays, I would fast. I believe in fasting and it really is an incredible thing when done with a pure motive, but I have done it with and without pure motives. When the Lord spoke to me one morning as I was preparing to begin my fast (sometimes no food, sometimes fruit, or sometimes no evening meal) He simply said to my spirit that I was really fasting to maintain my weight instead of to seek and draw closer to Him liked I tried to maintain.  This was a real slap because I had reasoned it out that I was doing a very godly thing by denying my food for the day. To have my Father tell me that it has many times been for the wrong reasons was like, well, getting busted. I was rather amazed at how this 'good' thing became sin because I was not doing it for its original intent. So how could Kimberly, who died to sin still live in it? How contrived we can become!


Well, the lesson here is that I need to check my reasons for doing what I do. I was doing a good thing that became a tool to help keep my weight in check and to 'look good' or impress those who observed my denial. Wrong motive! I was so embarrassed by the obvious game I was playing with myself and God that I have been very hesitant to fast since then and I don't very often as a matter of fact. I know that God has forgiven me and really, I am grateful He did! I was becoming enslaved to sin. And here is the beauty of God's amazing grace, by my own admission of that sin, God has gently corrected me and helped me to move beyond it so that when I do fast it truly is for the right reasons. God is glorified when I am operate out of obedience and a desire to present myself as a living sacrifice. I still have a long way to go in regard to my eating issues as I learn to eat to live and not live to eat but that is just part of the process that I am going through to be more Christ-like.

Here is the basis of my gleaning in Romans six:
obedience = righteousness (right standing with God)
righteousness = sanctification (set apart for God)
sanctification = eternal life (to be forever with my King)


Chapter six concludes beautifully stating that we have been freed from sin, and enslaved to God (whom we willing serve with a pure heart) with the outcome of our obedience being eternal life.

Lord, I thank you for your amazing grace that sets us free from the life we live in sin. This process that we must endure hurts especially when the truth is pointed out and we have been living enslaved to something that doesn't glorify You. I love the final verse of chapter six where Paul tells us, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I don't understand it all completely but I am getting a glimpse the picture and I just ask that You would continue to show me when I am not serving You with a pure heart. I love You Father and I want Your smile when You look at me and I love what Paul Young put in his book "The Shack" when he wrote of You saying that You are particularly fond of that one." May 'that one' be me!
Love, Your girl!

You are Ready for Spring Aren't You?

Evening of April 25th

Well friends, winter is dealt another blow. It was April 25th and another spring snow storm promising to deliver 6" - 15" so say the meteorologists.  Argh...I had crocuses already blooming and they were going to be covered with a blanket of snow the next morning. On top of that, we ended up postponing a trip to Bemidji to see the grandsons. How discouraging it is when our plans don't work out.

I have this Scripture taped in main control at work that says:

"The Mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps" Proverbs 16:9 (NASB)

It seems that there a couple of ways to look at that verse with one having a negative slant and the other quite a positive directive. The application for me is in understanding that my default is to always run ahead of God and make all my plans without consulting my Father. Well, you know how frustrating that can be when the plans don't work out the way you thought they should have. I think of those poor little crocuses that have opened their pretty little heads to show some of the first colors of spring to us and then wham, they get hit with six inches of snow. Somehow I'm guessing, this probably inhibits their growth and reproduction.  And when I tie that in with going ahead of God like I do so often, I wonder just how much am I set back from my growth by not praying and seeking the Father's will before I lunge ahead and move out? 

How do you like this verse in Proverbs:

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the counsel of the Lord, it will stand" Proverbs 19:21 (NASB)

The counsel of the Lord will stand. Hmmm...counsel of the Lord, Etsah in Hebrew, meaning advice; consultation; purpose, project, plan, design; wisdom, deliberation. Wow, do I consult with my Father as I make my plans? Almost always, not. Do I seek out His purpose before I run out the door, make the phone call or plan the trip? Of course not, especially if it is just everyday living type of stuff. But this is my challenge and this is what God is trying to teach this girl. How much better to seek God in the morning as I begin to plan my day or whatever it is that I have going on than to do things at random and on a whim.  Now I just looked up the meaning of whim in Websters Dictionary and the meaning is a bit odd and not nearly as fun as I always though of it being as when we us it in its adjective form, whimsical. So the first meaning of this noun is: a freakish pattern of ideas and their associated emotions as a motive of action. I am thinking that this is not the best laid plan for myself or anyone who desires to live a Spirit-filled and controlled life. Why do I want to act on emotions based on freakish ideas? In essence that is what I'm doing by missing out on God's best for my daily living when I forsake my time with Him as I plan my 'whatever.'

By the way, on Saturday morning, April 26, 2008, the snow had (thus far) produced slick roads with a dump of about 6+ inches on top. Good thing my husband didn't put that snow blower away for the spring! There are all these tiny, little spring birds flitting around trying to find fall's leftovers that are now covered in several inches of snow. And the worse part is that the snow was expected to continue for several more hours and the temperature was only 23 degrees with a wind chill making it feel like only 10! What's up with that at the end of April? And just to let you know that this was the third snowstorm in northern Minnesota in the month of April! The other two deposited anywhere from a couple to 30+ inches of wet sloppy snow in some areas of the northland on the first and second weekends of the month. I'll bet you are glad you don't live here. But if you do, we just say, "Well, that's northern Minnesota! You never know what you are going to get."


The bottom line for me is that I need to quit running ahead of God, and slide into His plans for my days.  So much easier said than done especially if that is the way you've done it thus far. Those old habits are so hard to break but God has amazing things to say about the man who indeed walks in God's ways like this:

"The steps of a mans are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way.
When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the Lord i the One who holds his hand."
Psalm 37:23, 24

The crocuses managed to endure unscathed for the most part!

You have to love that! God delights in my ways when I walk in His will. A dear friend told me not to be too hard on myself for we are all in a process and indeed we are. But I truly want to be a woman who is bent on walking in God's plans for my life. And the best part is that when I am led by the Spirit then I walk in love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The fruit produced by being Spirit-led. I will share on that another time.

"Father, I sure frustrate myself time and time again when my best laid plans go awry! How frustrating because I am so convinced that I have laid them perfectly yet without Your approval and consultation, I miss the cracks and weaknesses that can literally trip me up. I am humbly asking, Father, for You to help me come to You the first thing with my days and events, allowing You to shape and mold them as You do when I ask. Even more importantly though is to help me to wait and listen for Your reply when I do ask for Your direction. I am tired of being in a hurry, rushing out the door without Your approval and then asking why when things get weird. I pay dearly every time I do that. Thank You that You are so concerned with my little life that You will show me the way when I ask. You truly are an amazing Abba God, Amen"

Happy Valentine's Day

February is most of all highlighted by Valentine's Day, a designated to express and receive love! How delightful. The following is a writing I want to share with you by Stephen Crotts.

Love ~
To be young, wealthy and in love--all in the third century. And to be a Christian.


Such was young Valentine. He would consummate his great love by taking her as his bride. Soon he would be wed. But his world came crashing down around him when the Roman emperor declared all Christians illegal citizens and guilty of treason. All they had to do was to say, "Caesar is Lord!" Rather than deny Christ, young Valentine was arrested.


In jail, awaiting his execution, he wrote love letters to his girlfriend...beautiful, passionate letters assuring her of his great love for her. But theirs would be a love not lived out. On February 14, 269, Valentine was put to death, martyred for Jesus Christ.


Since then, Christians have celebrated his fidelity to Christ and romantic love on the 14th of February by sending our own love letters to special people. And we do so this year, let us resolve to live for Christ unashamedly.

~ Stephen Crotts

So my friend, how will you spend your Valentine's day? Maybe a romantic dinner with card and flowers from or to your beloved? It seems odd that we need a day in the year to remind us to show and exhibit love. A day that indicates we should express our faithfulness and love to our beloved!  Yet, how about most of all to our Christ. His words to us penned by the apostle Paul in Corinthians need to be seared upon our hearts:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13

No small wonder it is called the Love Chapter. The above words are the key to any and every relational issue known to man. For if we do as it says we should, we become humbly involved in laying aside our agenda and we pick up with care the concern for others and administer love, unselfish love.


I know my tendencies and I know how hard it is to look beyond me and see others in the light of God's love, forgive me Lord. As Your creation it should be a natural to do likewise--as You do unto us--to those around us. Why do I always get in the way?


Father, when I am struggling with my spouse, my friends and even the poky driver ahead of me who thinks I should live my life at his speed, help me to think LOVE. Forgive all the "buts..." that I throw out as excuses to justify my unloving attitude. Lord, if I could always have on my mind the love You showed Your unworthy child, I just might remember. And how do I really show Your love to that unlovable person(s) we all seem to have in our lives? Whatever it takes Lord, I need Your grace and mercy so that I would remain that humble servant who desires to walk in love and then purposes to do it! I am so weary of asking and then I watch myself turn around and reneging on my intention. Give me authenticity that will reveal who You are through me. I love you Abba and my desire is to live for You. In Jesus Name, Amen!