Searching for God with skin on is sort of like looking for love in all the wrong places. Sometimes I am an emotionally charged woman with ups and downs depending…on a lot of things. It could be a hormonal thing, a crisis or just a wrong reaction to a negative response from someone. When things are out of wack in my world it would sure be a wonderful thing to just have God with skin. He could wrap His arms around me and speak words of comfort and encouragement to my spirit. But that is just it, I can’t “feel” the comfort or the healing so then I just feel very alone. I'm pretty sure most could identify!
What I need I can’t seem to find. I want my Papa because to hear Him would give me comfort. But I can’t hear His voice audibly. Of course if I did it would scare me half to death! So what am I to do? I can’t run to man, for he is just like me, weak and vulnerable and easily persuaded. Not always wise in his ways and, or given to discernment. No, I can’t go there--although many times I am so tempted to do just that! And maybe, just like me, when you have given in to what the flesh wants you in turn get burned. Instead of the hope and encouragement you were looking for, the fix becomes temporary. Leaving a hollow in your spirit.
Girls, (I am not minimizing the problem here) this is what I can choose to do. I can run to my Daddy, my Abba. The One who will never, ever let me down. The One who gives comfort to my spirit and causes me to soar once again where I belong. No, it may not be the fleshly comfort that would “feel” so welcoming but, my spirit would be ministered to and I would receive a healing touch that would alter the outlook of my situation. So I run to Him, and I crawl upon His lap that is more than roomy enough for this big girl to snuggle in and I receive his love. Here is where the healing begins.
There was a time when I truly needed a real encounter with my heavenly Father. I will let you in on a time when I learned that I wasn’t an orphan after all.
“I remember one morning when I felt so lonely and longed for an earthly father to receive comfort from. You see, I am very alone most of the time. At this time in my life, my husband and I are at different places spiritually. We aren’t always on the same page when it comes to the Lord. I tend to spiritualize things a bit more and my man is down to earth and very basic in his faith. Sometimes that makes me feel a bit alone. One morning after my husband went off to work (he is the early bird and leaves the house like clockwork every work morning at 5:05 and sometimes I sneak back to bed but other times I can have good times with the Lord when I stay up. Although it was an unusual thing to do, I heard my ‘Abba’ Father beckon me to come and crawl up on His lap and bury my head in His shoulder. I am just about sure that I looked around to make sure that no one could see me and actually it was only the animals and me home at that time.
So I did what the Lord invited me to do! I covered myself with a quilt and envisioned being in my daddy’s lap and I cried out to Him pouring my heart out to Him. I told Him how very lonely and sad I felt.
There are times when we do not get the emotional response we need from our parents or spouse and that can pull us into a down time—maybe even throwing us out of whack emotionally. But god, You are there and You hear my cries and my pain, You don’t become weary of hearing me whine and carry on. You listen and comfort me, You, the God of Jacob, hear my prayers. This is something so amazing. Had anyone been able to see me that morning and heard my weeping, they would have wondered if there was something drastically wrong with me. But, my Daddy, My Abba Father, held me close and was very attentive to my sorrows and provided me with comfort and peace. To my spirit He assured me of His love and acceptance of me—which is so what I needed at that moment. You know, it could have been PMS or feeling sorry for myself for whatever reason. But God, my God, was there for me when no else was for my husband surely would have thought I lost my mind. My God knows the heart of His girl and how she just gets lonely and sad sometimes.”
(from Worshiping in the Psalms, Psalm 84)
It indeed seems odd that this could bring the peace needed in a dire straights moment, but for me it was a true epiphany that would forever change the way I perceive my heavenly Father. Girls, guard your heart and don’t let your emotions rule, run to the right thing and you will receive the comfort that only your Daddy, your Abba, can give you. You will find healing and peace that passes all understanding and you will have the courage to go on!
Resting in His perfect peace,
~ Kimberly Dawn
Father wounds are very painful and they can take a very long time to heal. We have been airing a program on our radio station that has naturally--because of upcoming Father's Day--made father the focus. Rightfully so! One day a year we can honor the man (in some of our lives) that served to be that marvelous example of love, provision, admiration and respect. As I said, in some of our lives. I think it is truly wonderful when people speak of their fathers with the utmost of respect and admiration. But on the other hand, there have been too many poor examples of that fatherhood role exhibited by those who claim the title of Father, Dad, Pop, Papa, etc.
I don't mean to sound sarcastic about this, I really don't, I am however standing for those of us who either had poor examples of fatherhood inflicted upon us or didn't have a father at all such as myself. Now listening to the gentleman on our program give the most illustrious talk about the man he looked up to and admired with the utmost of respect, his father, made me long for that missing link in my life. I really cried to think that there can be an earthly man that fills that mold of 'father' so wonderfully as the speaker's father did. Wow! The respect and admiration was more than evident as he shared of losing his father and spending those last days with his hero.
Okay, you are thinking what is this girl's problem that she can't be thrilled for a shining example of an earthly father. Really, I do think it is wonderful but my heart is empty for the father that I never had. I always heard what a wonderful man he was but funny, that wonderful man couldn't take care of my mother and me. I was always told he was such a pioneer type, rugged and fun-loving, but I have only seen pictures of me with him as a one-year old. I understand he came from a family of good fortune but mom went to work to support us because that great guy that my father was couldn't hold a job. When I wrote an aunt to see if she had anything wonderful to share about my father she told me he was a disgrace to her family and poor excuse for a human being. Argh, there was no love lost there! Needless to say, my image of this wonderful man was somewhat skewed and the whole scenario of fatherhood seemed quite a mystery to a little girl who remained curious and longing for what she thought others had and she had not.
It took many years of very difficult circumstances to realize that I was looking for 'love' (father's love) but that I was going at it all backwards. At the age of 42 my life took a 'right' turn by realizing that I had a root of bitterness I wasn't even aware of that had settled itself deep in my heart. It was 12 years earlier that I had opened myself to the gift of salvation and received Jesus Christ into my heart. But that didn't make my life 'happy.' A series of circumstances brought about by my pride, dysfunction and strong will found me miserable and ready to give it all up. It is rather remarkable to think that God had a different plan. And part of this journey was acknowledging that the pain in my heart was--for the most part--due to anger toward a man I never even knew. Quite an amazing thing to think about how someone you never knew could have such an impact on your life, but he really did. It was in large part because of the Freedom in Christ ministry that I was able to release that bitterness and begin to see that I have a perfect Father now. I still have twinges of longing for "God with flesh" like when you want a great big hug from arms that can just pull you in and hold you so you can snuggle your head into his chest and feel the comfort of all comforts. For now that can't be, but someday, I am going to run to my Abba Father, my Daddy and He is going to embrace me and never let me go.
I am longing for that day! And friend, if you have that emptiness in your heart, that hole that just runs on empty because there was no father love to fill it up, I have an answer for you. Will you let the Father of all fathers begin to fill the hole with love that will begin to heal as a balm does on a wound? He is the Father to the fatherless, the husband to the widow and He will never let you down, leave or forsake you! Cry out to Him right now, something just like this:
Father in heaven, I am longing to have this hole in my heart be healed.
I have looked for love in all the wrong places and have paid dearly for my poor choices.
I am so tired of running from one thing to another as I look for whatever it takes to keep the pain from overwhelming me.
There are times when I just want to kill myself and be done with this life.
As I look up to You, will you receive me just as I am and forgive me for doing my own thing as I searched for something to bring me happiness.
Forgive me for the mess I have made of my life and help me to have a clean, new beginning with You.
Thank you that by Your Son Jesus, I can come to You and You will hear me and answer and You won't turn away from but will welcome me into Your family.
I look forward to the plan that You have had for me since I was being formed in my mother's womb and I am going to trust You to be my guide as I learn to love and live for You.
In Jesus' name, amen.
- Friend, you will never regret making this new beginning. Welcome to the family of God, you are now a child of the Most High God! If you made the decision to receive the free gift of salvation will you let someone know? You can even let me know and I will do my best to send you something to help you on your new journey just email your response to kimberlydnyborg@gmail.com.
