Are You the Parent of a Prodigal?

Years ago when my youngest (troubled) son was placed in a facility to get help (he was an unhealthy hazard to himself and others), I was sharing my heart with Amy Shreve (our harpist and friends that we traveled with for some radio rallies), the night after a concert here in I-Falls.  I was so grieved for this son who has had problems since fighting me in the womb, It is true! Too many heartaches and broken promises that he would straighten up go right and that all never amounted to success.  This mother's heart hurt so badly to see him fail time and time again.  Not to mention the stress it put on my marriage.  How easy it can be to place blame!  It's my fault, the father's fault, the stepfather's fault, everybody else's fault but no owning up to their own responsibility. Living the dysfunctional life I have lived only helped me take on unnecessary blame for a whole host of things that were only partially my fault.

I believe that we are only responsible for the situations that we directly cause and not the speculative ones (if only you...)  If I steal something, I am at fault, not the person who doesn't lock his door to keep a thief out.  If onlys are pure speculation but we can really let ourselves get buried underneath them if we are not wise (or shall I say walking in truth.)  Stuff happens, we make mistakes, acknowledge them, confess them and ask forgiveness of those we have wronged and move on.  How sad when we become buried under guilt and condemnation that really isn't ours to assume provided we have responded correctly like mentioned above. We can become overwhelmed with false guilt.

Prodigals can be used by God to help us look at the truth in our own situations.  Looking back I can now see that there are things that could have been handled differently and with a whole lot more unconditional love.  But then the child has a responsibility also.  They become runners. Runners from the truth, their pain and anything that gets uncomfortably close to their emotions. They need help to see that their poor choices are what they need to own up to.  I am responsible for my choices and my children for theirs, my spouse His, etc.  It is a dynamic that I just don't know how people without the Lord survive and many don't.

I have attached a link to an Oswald Chamber's reading for March 24.  This is what Amy came to show me the next morning when she had been praying for me and my prodigal.  It wasn't even March but she came upon it and shared it with me and it has had a very profound impact on my thinking.  You see dysfunctionality breeds false guilt which in most cases won't let the wrong assume their sorrows and pain that they find themselves in. He must increase... If God is sovereign and in control and I believe He is, then every thing, large and small is used by Him (He is fully aware of it's happening) to grow us up and closer to Him.  According to Chambers, we can become the very thing that gets in the way of our prodigal learning (yes the hard way) his lessons.  Some of us have to learn the hard way, I have.  If someone comes along to smooth out the situation instead of letting the circumstances being used to teach the lesson then that someone has interrupted the class and the lesson may be postponed until a later date and possibly a more severe situation.  The verse for that day is from John 3:30 and it is simple and profound, "He must increase, but I must decrease".  Get out of the way and let God be God and the Holy Spirit do what it is that He desires to do in a wandering soul's heart!  In modern day terms we would say quit being an enabler!  Friend, I have had to say this to myself over and over because that it what I was so used to doing to try and make things right and work!  But I was the one who continued to get in the way.

So I pray that we would not be in the way of the catylist that the Lord would use to work in the heart of that one who is walking contrary to God's ways.  

Father, I cautiously say, do it Lord, whatever it takes to break the heart of the wander so that they would look beyond themselves and see You!  I know You will give me the courage to believe that You hold his or her life in Your hands and that Your desire is to see them come to You and give them the peace they have been searching for.  I can even say "thank you" for the hard lessons that I have had to learn because You used them to bring me a bit closer to You each time.  I not only love You Lord, but I trust You and entrust my loved ones to You, in Jesus' Name!

Father to the fatherless

Father wounds are very painful and they can take a very long time to heal. We have been airing a program on our radio station that has naturally--because of upcoming Father's Day--made father the focus. Rightfully so! One day a year we can honor the man (in some of our lives) that served to be that marvelous example of love, provision, admiration and respect. As I said, in some of our lives. I think it is truly wonderful when people speak of their fathers with the utmost of respect and admiration. But on the other hand, there have been too many poor examples of that fatherhood role exhibited by those who claim the title of Father, Dad, Pop, Papa, etc.

I don't mean to sound sarcastic about this, I really don't, I am however standing for those of us who either had poor examples of fatherhood inflicted upon us or didn't have a father at all such as myself. Now listening to the gentleman on our program give the most illustrious talk about the man he looked up to and admired with the utmost of respect, his father, made me long for that missing link in my life. I really cried to think that there can be an earthly man that fills that mold of 'father' so wonderfully as the speaker's father did. Wow! The respect and admiration was more than evident as he shared of losing his father and spending those last days with his hero.

Okay, you are thinking what is this girl's problem that she can't be thrilled for a shining example of an earthly father. Really, I do think it is wonderful but my heart is empty for the father that I never had. I always heard what a wonderful man he was but funny, that wonderful man couldn't take care of my mother and me. I was always told he was such a pioneer type, rugged and fun-loving, but I have only seen pictures of me with him as a one-year old. I understand he came from a family of good fortune but mom went to work to support us because that great guy that my father was couldn't hold a job. When I wrote an aunt to see if she had anything wonderful to share about my father she told me he was a disgrace to her family and poor excuse for a human being. Argh, there was no love lost there! Needless to say, my image of this wonderful man was somewhat skewed and the whole scenario of fatherhood seemed quite a mystery to a little girl who remained curious and longing for what she thought others had and she had not.

It took many years of very difficult circumstances to realize that I was looking for 'love' (father's love) but that I was going at it all backwards. At the age of 42 my life took a 'right' turn by realizing that I had a root of bitterness I wasn't even aware of that had settled itself deep in my heart. It was 12 years earlier that I had opened myself to the gift of salvation and received Jesus Christ into my heart. But that didn't make my life 'happy.' A series of circumstances brought about by my pride, dysfunction and strong will found me miserable and ready to give it all up. It is rather remarkable to think that God had a different plan. And part of this journey was acknowledging that the pain in my heart was--for the most part--due to anger toward a man I never even knew. Quite an amazing thing to think about how someone you never knew could have such an impact on your life, but he really did. It was in large part because of the Freedom in Christ ministry that I was able to release that bitterness and begin to see that I have a perfect Father now. I still have twinges of longing for "God with flesh" like when you want a great big hug from arms that can just pull you in and hold you so you can snuggle your head into his chest and feel the comfort of all comforts. For now that can't be, but someday, I am going to run to my Abba Father, my Daddy and He is going to embrace me and never let me go.

I am longing for that day! And friend, if you have that emptiness in your heart, that hole that just runs on empty because there was no father love to fill it up, I have an answer for you. Will you let the Father of all fathers begin to fill the hole with love that will begin to heal as a balm does on a wound? He is the Father to the fatherless, the husband to the widow and He will never let you down, leave or forsake you! Cry out to Him right now, something just like this:

Father in heaven, I am longing to have this hole in my heart be healed.
I have looked for love in all the wrong places and have paid dearly for my poor choices.
I am so tired of running from one thing to another as I look for whatever it takes to keep the pain from overwhelming me.
There are times when I just want to kill myself and be done with this life.
As I look up to You, will you receive me just as I am and forgive me for doing my own thing as I searched for something to bring me happiness.
Forgive me for the mess I have made of my life and help me to have a clean, new beginning with You.
Thank you that by Your Son Jesus, I can come to You and You will hear me and answer and You won't turn away from but will welcome me into Your family.
I look forward to the plan that You have had for me since I was being formed in my mother's womb and I am going to trust You to be my guide as I learn to love and live for You.
In Jesus' name, amen.

• Friend, you will never regret making this new beginning. Welcome to the family of God, you are now a child of the Most High God! If you made the decision to receive the free gift of salvation will you let someone know? You can even let me know and I will do my best to send you something to help you on your new journey just email your response to kimberlydnyborg@gmail.com.